tell me
.:tell me more, tell me more:.
from the site: “Tellme helps you find the businesses you need every day. Powering nearly 40% of the US directory assistance (411) calls, Tellme lets you simply say the city, state and business and hear your results.”
in a nutshell:
who here loves calling 411? i mean, i certainly LOVE calling and knowing that i’m going to be charged a dollar everytime i use it. i LOVE calling any wondering if i’m really going to get the result that i want. i LOVE calling and thinking about whether or not i’m going to get disconnected or drop the call.
i don’t really love all of that.
what i DO love is 1-800-FREE-411 and stuff like it…like tell me, for example. tell me is a little appliction you run on your java-enabled cell phone. you run the application, you go through a couple of voice activated menus asking you for your city, state and what you’re looking for, and then you smile as you see possible matches along with directions and maps pop up.
you can click here to see if your phone is supported.
it’s in beta right now and is in limited release, so hurry and grab it if you can. you want it. you know you do.
get a first life
.:in order to have a ’second life’, you should have…:.
from the site: “first life is an analog 3D world where server lag does not exist”
in a nutshell:
this isn’t anything more than a one-page parody site of an online ‘game’ called ‘second life‘. i guess in order for this to be funny, you need to go check the second life site out. or you can just let me tell you that second life is a pretty amazing phenomenon in the MMORPG (massively multiplayer online roleplaying game) community. while i don’t personally play it, i know enough about it to tell you that it is essentially a digital universe where people like you and i create an ‘avatar’ to do just about anything you want to do. want to be a superhero? check. ever have dreams as a kid of becoming a prostitute? you can in second life. want to sell virtual real estate and make an estimated $1 million in profits? yeah, you can do that too. how is that possible? the game uses a monetary system based on something called ‘linden dollars’, and you exchange your real money for second life linden dollars (i believe it’s currently L247.50 per $1.00 US dollar). there’s a whole site on conversion here.
the guy who made the ‘get a first life’ site obviously sees the absurdity (and the ultimate humor) in this, hence the parody site you have by now most likely feasted your eyes on. and chuckled. apparently, in first life, you can ‘find out where you actually live’, ‘access your closet to build your first life look, and, my personal favorite, ‘fornicate using your actual genitals’.
one might be inclined to laugh at people who play second life, and say, ‘well, if you put as much time into your real life as you do your second life, then you would probably be a pretty successful person.’ i need only point to the thing about the girl making a million dollars in the game.
who’s laughing now?
wiiless in austin
.:why wii?:.
*editor’s note: i have gotten some awesome feedback that i’m a tiny bit on the wordy side, so i’ve hacked out quite a bit. oh the joys of learning how to blog correctly…
i would be willing to bet that if it seems a little mad to me…someone who really loves and enjoys video games…i can only imagine what the ‘wii insanity’ must seem like to the general populace. but again, even though i find it crazy, i still understand.
what is it about this little gadget that makes it seem like something that the world must have?
.:a child among men:.
it’s obviously not the fact that it’s any better than what it competes with from a hardware point of view. for all intents and purposes, the wii is just a re-packaged gamecube with a few add-ons…an SD memory card slot, USB ports, wireless connectivity, bluetooth.
it’s certainly not it’s general ‘home entertainment’ capabilities. the wii doesn’t have a built in hard drive so you can store things like movies and music. it doesn’t even have a DVD player.
and the games…well…it could be argued that the games aren’t anything to write home about either, given the massive technological advancements that have happened over the past five years in console gaming. nintendo is still riding on the franchises of its 8-bit days…metroid, zelda, mario, donkey kong, star fox. granted, they keep coming out with some pretty innovative games here and there, such as warioware*, viewtiful joe or ikaruga…
*editors note: i had it pointed out to me that i made a mistake. i originally had ‘katamari’ posted there, which is not true. katamari was orginally released for the PS2 in japan. my apologies! so much for writing posts late at night…
but, from a marketing perspective, i think it’s all of these things that the nintendo isn’t that is actually ending up being it’s saving grace.
.:everything that the wii is not makes it cool:.
1. let’s start with the obvious…the controllers. the curiosity factor alone is enough to make you want to check it out. but nintendo follows through where others in the past have not been able to, and that is nintendo is delivering a solid, well-executed experience when you get there. the controllers are nothing short of a simplistic marvel. we’ve talked about ‘VR’ experiences for years now…and while we’ve come close in the arcades, i think the home experience has been lacking very sorely in the immersion area. part of it has been the cost of doing something like this on the home level. the regular consumer is not going to go out and purchase everything you need in order to have a really immersive experience. but nintendo has remedied that nicely. it’s not expensive (relative to what you’re getting and relative to what else is out there), it’s intuitive, and most importantly, it enhances the game experience more significantly than ever before by making you, the player, feel like you have more of a direct impact on the game by knocking down the whole ‘controller barrier’ thing.
2. the wii is, at it’s core, a game system with the potential to expand on some really popular simple technologies today…not a digital entertainment hub trying to pack an entire home entertainment system into one single box. there is an intriguing social networking aspect. there is a web browser and built-in e-mail capabilities. it’s wireless and is easy to configure a connection to a wireless network. it’s easily portable. it’s got a cool weather feature. it’s got the ability to download all of the ‘classic’ old school games that you grew up with. and it’s got room for expansion in the form of the ‘channels’. all of this is bundled into a seemless package and is easy to configure.
3. it appeals to several markets that have either not been full realized or left by the wayside over the years.
there are the people that just want to play some games. period. cool graphics and sound and multiplayer is completely inconsequential. a fun, cool, easy-to-learn, casual experience is what is important.
then there’s a segment that has some interest in games, but doesn’t want to re-familiarize themselves with how to play them. take the guy who stopped playing games after college because he thought he was too cool for them. he has been off the boat for the past five or six years, but all of a sudden he wants to jump back in and feel good about his skillz. he grabs a wii, which still has those old familiar franchises available to him, and he’s back in training camp…working his way up from the original ‘metroid’ (which he’s having a blast with) to big boy school…’metroid prime’.
and then there are the kids. kids games, i think, have been grossly neglected over the past ten years. the industry has been so concerned with appealing to those gamers that have ‘grown up’ with the industry that they have a tendency to forget where it all began. and kids really don’t need to be playing GTA3 or rainbow 6: vegas or any number of other games that are for ‘mature’ audiences. nintendo still offers parents a viable option for letting their kids play some cool games without sacrificing ‘cool’ factor for the kids, and without sacrificing their own morality when it comes to some of the game that are out today. everyone wins with a nintendo.
finally…and most importantly…i feel like the wii appeals to the elusive female gamer audience more than any other game system has in the past. go to the nintendo wii site right now, and you will see several ’stories’ or ’situations’ where girls are using it. my friends girlfriends and wives are not averse to playing it. even my wife, who does not like video games at all, is a little curious, and that is saying a lot.
4. the wii is simple, and that is it’s knock-out punch. i was talking with a friend who was telling me he got one over christmas, and his grandmother was playing with it. can you honestly see dear old grandma picking up a 360 controller and start blowing away locust in ‘gears in five minutes?
looking at this from a purely marketing point of view, simple is a proven sell. the more simple something is, the better you feel about purchasing it if it appears to be something you can use. and the less time you have to spend learning about it, that equates into more time you have getting real use out of it.
look at the ipod and how it integrates with itunes. if you are a super tech dork wanting very specific things that only a tech dork would want…like ease of song transfer between systems or multiple devices, like integration with multiple pieces of mp3 playback software…the ipod is probably a little ‘annoying’ to you. but the genius of the ipod is that not only does it still appeal to those people depsite it’s ’shortcomings’…it appeals to the rest of the world who just wants to plug the thing into their computer and transfer stuff to it quickly and easily so they can spend more time doing what they want with it. in a sick way, the tech dorks derive some kind of pleasure at making things more difficult for themselves just so they can say they’ve accomplished something. but the majority doesn’t want to learn how something works…they just want it to work. and that’s what the wii is doing an awesome job at. you take it out of the box…you plug it in…you quickly set it up…and you are immediately playing games with little or no learning curve.
.:let your inner consumer take control:.
i am grudgingly proud and admiring of nintendo. i say ‘grudgingly’ because i feel like i should have kept the faith. when i heard about this whole ‘nintendo revolution’ thing from the get-go, i was not impressed. i didn’t have any faith in that it would be anything special, and i figured nintendo would be delegated to the same position sega was, which is making games for other systems. but nintendo did an extremely smart thing in not trying to compete for a market that is completely saturated by two proven high-end consumer electronics and software giants. i’ve personally thrown my hat in the ring with microsoft in that particular battle, but i will be purchasing a wii as well as soon as i can get one…and i’m excited about it. there’s a lot to like with the new little big guy on the block, and my faith has been renewed that nintendo is back in the saddle.
pan’s labyrinth
.a.meter - 10/10
*new* bias: +10 (out of 10)
something i’ve noticed in a lot of reviews it the lack of taking into account the reviewer’s general bias towards the genre. in this case, i happen to really like this type of film, and so my bias towards giving it a better review is going to be higher…and it’s better for you, as the reader, to know that in advance.
the breakdown:
how do i even begin? really…this is an extremely hard movie to explain due to the fact that i don’t think i’ve seen anything like it before. combine one part spanish war history with one part fairy tale…mix it with a little celtic lore/fantasy/horror and drama, make tim burton a sous chef for the mix, and you’ve got your film. it is being described as ‘an adult fairy tale’, and that’s about as close to the truth as it comes.
the story is set in spain in 1944 during the time of Francisco Franco, and a little girl and her pregnant mother find themselves being escorted by soldiers to a village controlled by the spanish army…stationed there because they are attempting to put down a rebellion. they are being escorted there because the mother is pregnant with the captain’s son…and you quickly find out that the captain is not a very nice guy. the little girl happens to be infatuated with fairy tales, and comes to find that she is actually a part of one that is unfolding before her life. she is led to a place by a fairy where a faun (a humanoid up top, a goat below) begins to explain that she is actually the embodiment of the sprit of a princess, and in order to get back to her kingdom, she must complete a series of tasks. the movie is extremley engaging in the sense that it juxtaposes this fantasy over the brutality of what is happening in the girl’s ‘real life’ (i.e. her father has died…her mother is experiencing a complicated pregnancy…the captain is cruel…she is privvy to the knowledge that her nanny is actually a part of the rebellion being led against the spanish army…etc. etc. etc.). the story is a journey in the reconcilliation of her fantastically-based past and how she must fix things in the present in order to ‘right’ the ‘wrong’ the audience is introduced to at the beginning of the film.
5 adjectives to describe the movie: odd, engaging, meloncholy, nauseating, beautiful
the bottom line:
like i said…where does one begin wtih a movie like this? the brief description of the film above does not even begin to do it justice. i would tell you that this is a film for just about everyone…but not a film that is easily watched or easily comprehended. it’s for everone in the sense that there is something there for just about everyone to enjoy or find intriguing…but i can maybe see where what you find that you like can become overshadowed by the sheer oddness.
for me personally, i can draw comparisons to ‘the neverending story‘,’the dark crystal‘, and even the old animated version of ‘lord of the rings‘. it feels like the spirit of of a warped jim henson may’ve wrapped itself into the production…
and while those movies were made mainly for children, there are ceratin adult themes in them that are brought into the mix, which is what still makes it interesting to revist those films today. ‘PL’ takes it a step further with some pretty heavy…but tastefully used…violence, and doesn’t apologize for it one bit. there is one scene that even reminded me of joe pesci’s ‘pen’ scene outburt in ‘casino’…it’s that crazy! but it’s nothing to be turned off by, as it’s tastefully used to make a point rather than to be there for the sake of hurling around a bunch of fake blod and gore.
what makes this film seeing is the rich, beautiful, well-crafted story that guillermo del toro has decided to tell. it’s a simple tale full of all of the wonder and heart that you should have when conceiving and executing an idea like this. you cannot help but be drawn into the film from the very first words of the narrator, and hopelessly hooked by the time the kid is being introduced to her ‘effed-up fairy-tale friends.
i don’t know if i’ve made it clear enough that, in my humble plebtastic movie-goer opinion, there does not exist a genre in which to fit this, nor other films to accurately compare it to. you need to let your inner-kid sit right next to your outer adult and treat your senses to this odd yet extremely (and meticulously) well-crafted film.
WoW and boredom
.:10 things to do when you’re bored during your WoW playing time:.
one of the genius things that you’ll find when you play world of warcraft is that every ten levels, no matter what character class you play, you will get some really cool new class defining ability or reach some kind of character plateau that makes you even more awesome-er than you were before. for example, when you reach level ten as a warlock, you can summon your very first pet voidwalker who will fight for you…lie for you…walk the wire for you…ya’ he’d die for you………….you know it’s true… *vomit*
when you reach level ten as a priest, you can resurrect your dead buddies. as a druid, you can turn yourself into a giant bear. at level 40, you can go and buy your very first sweet mount that will help you get to places much faster. at level 60, you will have enabled yourself to complete your entire talent tree…which means that you’ve customized your character to it’s full potential in one or two different areas of that classes abilities (i.e. as a mage, you can concentrate in ice and arcane…meaning you are at your best by dishing out defensive/crowd control/area of effect spells – spells that have an effect on enemies within a specific radius).
and those are just a few of the things…
why is this genius? because it plants the seed of incentive in your game-addled skull. it makes you want to keep playing until you reach that next stupid little goal. and of course, the priority of a game like WoW is to keep you playing for as long as possible sans getting bored…because when you start getting bored, your game-playing starts to curtail…and when your game playing starts to curtail, you start to come unplugged from the matrix. and when you come unplugged from the matrix…well…you don’t want to do that. all of your other elf friends will get pissed at you for that…
but ultimately, you can…and you will…start to get bored. especially if you are a person like myself who has a couple of level 60 characters, and the thought of putting yourself through the paces again to get those characters from 60 to 70 weighs heavily on your soul no matter what the rewards are.
never fear, though, fellow gameheroin addicts; i am here to provide you with REPRIEVE. i have devised ten things to do while you are grinding your digital you up the level treadmill when you begin to feel the twinges of boredom. take a break, logoff, close your eyes, and pick one of these things to do. after participating in them, they will re-ignite your passion to go kill more little pixellated bastards that will yield you the ever-valuable experience you so crave and desire…
10. watch the WoW southpark episode:
sorry if the video is dead…but with the power of the interweb, you too can go search it out and find it in one of ten million other places where it will be available. watching this will make you feel one of two things. it will either make you take a long hard look at yourself and get you thinking thoughts like, ‘oh my god…what have i done? i’ve wasted xxxx hours/days/months…years…of my life playing a game that provides me with no real return on life and…wait a second…i kind of look like i’m turning into the evil guy that the SP crew defeats in this episode…NOOOOOOOOOO!’
or…it will give you a chuckle and make you want to go and see if the ’sword of a thousand truths’ will drop on your next high-level instance run.
9. pay attention to your animals who crave your attention and are showing you how pissed they are at you by peeing on the floor, shredding your couch cushions and gnawing at your ankles.
despite what you think, your animals cannot…and will not…tolerate your ‘give me just another 10 minutes so i can get xxxx level/item/spell/widget’ attitude like, say, your wife or girlfriend/boyfriend might……..MIGHT. they want to do what they want now. they do not understand the game. remember…in real life, you are not a hunter who has a beast that you can just feed when they get upset. real life animals like attention. resist the urge to dismiss your pet when they are telling you they want to go out or they want to be fed. this is not good. you will go to jail.
8. shower. groom yourself. light a yankee candle or spray some febreze air effects - if you play WoW for extended periods of time, you will stink from the sedentary nature of your actions. remember…you are wallowing around in your own nasty funk. body funk is not sexy. looking like a slob will not get you the girl/guy. well…okay…i guess i ended up with a hot wife, but i started playing after i had her under the spell of my charm and my eventual downspiral into severe dorkdom began to rear it’s ugly head. but i still take the time to make myself look presentable. when you’re as pimp as i am, you have an image to uphold…and you should have that attitude too.
repeat after me: “i am a pimp. i can play games but i can still attempt to not be a social reject. i am worth it. and people like me, dammit.”
7. go and talk to a real person…like your mom…or your neighbor…or your friends that you stopped talking to months ago because you were busy making sure that your warrior got his next PVP rank - despite what you may think, chatting with people in the game does not really count as talking to a real person. talking in the game is like switching over to a brand new language…and talking to a completely different breed of person altogether. one time, i was trying to explain something to a friend who does not play the game. here’s a partial transcript for you…
me: in order to pwn ony, you have to download CTRaidAssist and make sure every noob has it installed. you also have to make sure that everyone has vent installed and access to the vent server. in order to make your way to her, you have to have a tank melee each guard and get aggro…wait for three sunders…and then ranged damage only…all other melee stays back. once you get past all the guards and to ony, even numbered groups go left, odd numbered groups go right. groups 1 and 2 are on the whelps. make sure that your MT turns ony towards the wall and gets aggro and then people can start doing light ranged. make sure your MT is fear warded…
friend: *blank stare*
you, as a player, might ask yourself, ‘why would you ever try to explain to someone who doesn’t play the game what you’re doing?’ i don’t have an answer to that. the fact of the matter is that sometimes you will slip. sometimes you will say things that only make sense in the context of the game to people in real life…and you will feel like an ass. so it is imperative that you haul yourself up out of the bed, up off the chair, off of your couch…and go talk to real people. they exist. real people are sweet.
6. read this blog - everyday. bookmark it. add it to your feeds. do whatever it is you have to do to get here…because i promise that i will give you the necessary 5 minutes of mental stimulation you need a day in order to keep your brain from atrophying into a pile of slop. as a fellow game player, i know that you need this. i care about you. yes. you.
5. watch fight club – you are not your WoW character. no matter what you might think, you are a human and you do not have special powers and you do not have a quest log that will yield gold and experience and you cannot legally hamstring/immolate/starfire/judge your buddies. or anyone for that matter. you are not special. and after you have watched fight club, go punch somebody* to prove that you are alive. and strive to look like brad pitt because he’s awesome**…and probably doesn’t even think twice about playing WoW…but i digress…
*andrew takes to responsibility for actually following through with this action. you may have your ass handed to you. you may get arrested. you may be an idiot. do it at your own discretion.
**despite how homosexual this may sound, i am not gay.
4. eat something other than food that you can eat while playing the game…like not pizza or doritos or chocolate teddy grahms or saltines or fishsticks or a hotpocket or subway - eating the above items on a regular basis while playing the game is not conducive to a body that loves you. jerod lies. all subway will not make you a thin trim nerd like him. for example, you cannot expect to go and order a 12-inch spicy italian sub on white bread with olive oil and bacon and cheese and half a can of parmesan and wash it down with a 20 oz. dr. pepper and a bag of baked lays and then magically lose 5 pounds for the day. no way, mr./ms. – you get fat.
try some broccoli. make yourself some soup and eat it with a spoon out of a bowl instead of putting it in a large coffee cup so you can still possibly type in the chat window and move while eating. eat a sushi roll with chopsticks. or better yet, go order yourself a nice full meal at a sit-down restaurant! bring your significant other along so you can talk to them! and don’t drink beer. sorry…beer and the game is not a good mix.
3. clean your apartment/house/computer area - most computer folks that i know are not exactly the most clean people i’ve ever known. some are downright slovenly. break the stereotype. once you’ve done number 8 in this list, perhaps you could follow it up with this one. put your CDs away. clean your area of the 7 day old ant/roach-crawling pizza boxes. vacuum up the dry cereal leavings on the floor. use some canned air to clean out your keyboard. remove the dust and dried spittle from your monitor (the dried spittle gets there when you yell and scream and foam at the mouth at someone for leroying a raid). use some cable organizers to make your area look kind of professional…like you do something else productive at your computer other than play the game.
2. go to a social event where there are people. lots of them – why? because you must understand that this is how much much of modern society functions…and being a part of modern society isn’t that bad. really! your troll and elf friends can wait for you. i mean…is it really that awful to go see a muse concert? or go see a broadway musical? maybe you could go watch a boxing match or a football game if the arts aren’t your thing. or you could go to a bar, have some drinks, tie one on…work the ladies/men…(insert porn bass line here). go catch a good flick with a significant other. or….OR…you could be very daring here and you could do a combination of things…like…for example…you could go grab dinner…with your significant other or friend…go have a few drinks at a bar…and then go see a movie. oh my god…that’s too much…ALMOST TOO MUCH. noobs need not apply.
1. use the force luke…or bob…or john…or sarah…or whatever your name is - use it wisely. use it sparingly. but use it. the force puts you in tune with everything. it helps you see the forest through the trees. it helps you become self-aware and able to make adjustments to your life when you’re royally ‘effing it up by doing grade-A retarded things like trying (and succeeding) to get to level 70 in 28 hours. obi-wan and yoda…yeah…they’ve got it all right. put down the blast shield and trust your instincts. seriously…if you’re bored, and you’re making yourself to play the game, use the force to understand that you might potentially have a problem. it’s a game, and your life will not end if you take a tiny bit of time to go and do some of the other things you used to do before this affliction called WoW came along.
not to get all preachy, but you are trading minutes/hours/days/months of your life at a time…for what? a bunch of prettily/cool shaped pixels to go on your pixelly not-real avatar? how absurd is that? play the game…enjoy it…level up…rock out…but do some other stuff too. do it for the kids.
